Children & Friends

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We had a very lively discussion last Friday regarding our Children's Relationship with Others.

Through the DVD, we learnt from Reggie Joiner that as our children grow, friends begin to play and exert a greater role in their lives, especially during the teenage years.

We concur with Reggie Joiner and also learnt from our own experiences & that of our family's and others that friends do influence the quality and direction of our lives. We learnt that often the greatest successes and biggest regrets in our lives are directly influenced by our friends. Proverbs 13:20 says "He who walks with the wise is wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm."

Hence, it is important that we look into the friends our children mix/hang out with and we must also make an effort to influence our children's choice of friends.

Some key points on ways we can influence our children's choice of friends :

1. Set up play groups for our children.
2. Encourage our children to pray that God will bring friends into their lives - this builds the child's faith to when he/she sees God answering the prayer. One mom testified this to God's glory.
3. Get kids involved in some team sports - where they can learn to interact with team mates and through playing together, build strong bonds with each other. Being involved in a sports will also take away idle time from our kids spending too much time playing computer or console games.
4. Encourage them to join ccas or uniform groups that encourage team building. CCAs like the Boys' or Girls' Brigade really draw the kids together through their team building exercises and camps and outings.
5. Plan outings or holidays together with family friends with kids of similar age group on a regular basis. Do it together with families with similar values.
6. Help your children start a bible study or small group with their friends even when they are in primary school. When they study God's word together and pray together, they will learn and grow together. And as they grow up together in this small group, they can hold each other accountable to the values and truth of God, in their teens years and adulthood. The bonds and ties build up during these years will last them through their life time as seen by many of us in our own lives and that of our spouses'.
7. Get our children to participate in church or youth camps
8. Know the friends our children hang out with. Invite them to our homes, talk to them, encourage them and help guide them.
9. Empower our children to be discerning in choice of friends. Teach them through God's word.

Perhaps you have more ideas than what we have discussed. You can also share it with us by posting a comment at the end of this posting :)

Good friends are very important to all of us. No man is an island, so they say. And it is true. Good friends are the ones who stand by us and with us in times of our trials and help us get through a difficult time. Many of us can testify to that.

Through all these, we see that we must be intentional in shaping these precious relationships of our children and do not leave them to chance. Having said this, we must also remember that we cannot micro-manage but must guide and empower our children to be wise, sensible and discerning. Remember, we will not and cannot be with them at their universities or workplace. And we really don't want them running back to us when they are 20/25/30 asking if that is a good friend for them.

So it is very important to pray - pray for them and their friends.

Some additional thoughts on praying for our children and their friends :

Reflections (taken from 2004 Heart2Heart Prayer Workshop for Our Children)

· Even as we pray for our children to be surrounded by good friends, we should ask ourselves – what sort of friend will our child be to another? Friendship is a two way street.

· When we pray for our children’s friends, we are building safety nets below these children, preventing them from slipping into the hands of satan. In this way, we are also extending God’s kingdom as well. Sometimes, we may need to pray for removal of a bad influence (2 Thess 3:2-3) but other times, God may want to use our child to influence this other child and bring him/her to Christ.

· We can also pray against the following to reduce the risk of them falling into bad company:

o Low self-esteem

o Loneliness

o Adverse influence

o Negative Influence

· Pray for wisdom and a way of escape when caught in a difficult situation

· Proverbs is a good place to look up when praying for our children’s relationships and walk with God

It had been a fruitful session that Friday! Each of us present that day realised that in order for us to help guide our child and influence him or her, we must first have a good relationship with them. We also saw that we are so finite in our thinking and ability and we really need God - we need to build our foundation upon our Lord before we can help our children.