Seasons of A Mom's Life Recap 1

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Did you find some time to reflect on the questions from the previous postings?

It is always good to be intentional and take some time and reflect on some of these questions. Being intentional and reflective help us take a breather in our otherwise crazy pace. Being intentional and reflective also allow us to take stock of what is happening to us at our current time in life. Reflection helps us also to make changes to what is not right and to prepare for what is ahead of us.

If you have not done that - to be intentional about being reflective - take a Five now and just pause for a moment to consider some of these questions in our previous postings.

Coming to Heart2Heart has given us that opportunity to take a pause in our hurried life and reflect on our seasons of life. And the the results of these reflection and discussions surprised even some of us.

We will share with you some of these "findings" in our different seasons of life.

Although not the best of classifications, but for ease of facilitation, we were divided into 3 groups according to number of years married.

There were also some assumptions made - that in general - most married around late 20s to early 30s, generally in good health, not recession times. There will always be variations in seasons of life as each of us is unique and special and no two persons of a particular age or in a particular group will have or must have exact identical seasons of life. There are also overlapping of seasons in life in the different groups.

With these in mind, these are our "findings" below :

Married less than 10 years :

This group of moms have children mainly in the 0-5 years of age with some in lower primary school.

Focus : Mainly on children, meeting their needs.

Kids' needs are more on the physical aspect.

Young kids very dependent on mom.

Little time for self.

Husband important but less time/energy for him.

Tired and low energy.

Not enough sleep.

No time for social activities or friends.

Husband's career stable.

Get help from husband, parents or in-law, maid

Married 11-21 years :

This group of moms have kids in the primary school to secondary school years.

Focus : Still very much on children, their studies, teenage issues.

Needs of children shift from physical to emotional.

Children's emotional issues, their friends, peer pressure, acceptance.

Less of being a mother but more a friend to kids especially in teenage years.

Husband neglected/forgotten.

More time for ourselves and God.

Time for social activities, able to pursue hobbies, meet up with friends, church work.

Husband career stable/established.

Some husbands in mid-life crisis.

Parents' / Parents'-in-law health concerns

Married 21-30 years :

Focus : Less on Children now

Empty nest or children more independent, leaving home.

Children need less of you.

Mothering role is changing or being redefined.

Concerns over children's relationship with God / their salvation.

More time in hand for self, God, church/ministry work, friends, hobbies.

Look to mentoring younger moms.

Focus back on the marriage relationship.

More time with husband.

Finding and pursuing common interests with husband.

Husband's career established/stable.

Coping with personal change in health - hormonal changes.

Pre-menopausal or menopause.

Emotions up and down with change in hormones.

Health conditions deteriorating - poor eyesight, more aches.

Lower energy level.

Need to exercise to keep fit.

Aging parents or parents-in-law need more of our time.

Health issues, frequent doctor visits.

Emotional issues - lonely, need listening ear.

Their salvation.

We did not have any older moms or grandmas that day but concerns and issues will be quite similar to the 3rd group with greater emphasis on being empty nesters and issues of health, loneliness, redefining of roles as kids no longer need mothering, going on to be mother-in-law, grandmother...

This was an eye-opening exercise for many of us.

Having a diverse group of moms allowed us to have a bird's eye view of the many different seasons in life and see beyond our own current season of life. And in many ways, this made us sit up and take note of areas we need to correct and work on to prepare for our next season of life and beyond.

Moms with younger kids saw that there is actually an end to their sleepless nights and wiping bottoms and all the whys and how comes; and there will come a time when they have more time for themselves and social activities.

This time of reflection and discussion made many of us realise the need to re-prioritize and balance our time with our husband too. So much of our time revolve around our children, meeting their needs that we have neglected to nurture our relationship with our husband. How do we live through our empty nest season if we do not take time to nurture this relationship? Will we be two strangers sitting and staring at each other?

We also saw that God plays an important role in our different seasons of life. If not for God, where will we be?

We were privileged to have our church counsellor give us a round up of this session of Seasons in a Mom's life. She showed us that we do not live in isolation but are relational beings. We are part of a family, community, society etc... And society has impact on the individual - on us, moms, on our husband, on our children.

And in this relational context, she highlighted to us the many roles and hats each of us have - being a wife, a mom, a daughter, daughter-in-law, friend, mentor....... and these roles change over time through the different seasons.

She also reminded us that even as we go through our different seasons, we live in a time where change is taking place everyday - life style change not just for us, as moms and dads but our family - our children.

Today's lifestyle is very different from what we know of 20+ years ago. Then, there was no internet, no cell phones, no pda. With IT advancements, the way we interact and connect and communicate with each other has changed. Now, a lot of communication is done via email, SMS, MSN chat etc... And how may these impact us? We become less personal, we talk faster, we are less patient, we can't focus/concentrate well, we are indifferent, more detached, more self-centered.....

All these impact us - our family... our different seasons of life. These changes impact our values and relationships.

So how do we cope with these changes in seasons of life and that of the changes that are taking place in society?

How do we strike a balance in the midst of all these changes?

We will continue in Seasons of A Mom's Life Recap 2. Check back a couple of days later.

Note : Much is covered during each session at Heart2Heart and each of us do take back something different and special that God has placed in our hearts. It is actually very difficult to write a recap but we will try when we can.....